Monday, 1 June 2009

my world has changed.....

My dad past away just over a week ago, (in some ways it feels like longer, but in the next minute I feel it's all a dream), it was such a shock, in fact he was talking about Newcastle going down just before he left us....

my mum and dad had been together for 55 years, starting out as a young 11 and 13 year old... they were lucky to have celebrated their 49th Wedding Anniversary a few days earlier, but dad didn't make it to he's 69th Birthday, to me 68 is way to young....

I am lucky to say he was my friend as well as my dad, don't get me wrong, we didn't always see eye to eye, yet I could tell him to 'shut up' if he wound me up or upset me, then in the next instant talk to him about it being the wrong time of the month if I was ratty or had a tummy ache...

I think we had a great relationship and I'm going to miss him dreadfully, I'm so pleased he didn't suffer though (OK he did with the treatment) but not in the end... he was with the women of he's life, my mum, sister and me, I was holding he's hand...and I can honestly say to my daughter he died peacefully, he just looked up at my mum and fell asleep........

In fact that's why I find it so hard to believe I won't see him again, as he looked like he was just asleep, it's hard to think I won't be able to laugh and joke with him, for him to do 'round around the garden' with Steven, or try to sing along with the teletubbies (which he never did get the hang of, lol)

How do I tell Steven the man he loved and looked forward to seeing, is not here any more.... I'm lucky I've had a few emails with addresses and words of help from people, and we've decided to say 'grandad' has gone up to heaven' and we plan on getting a balloon, putting grandads picture on it, so Steven can release it and we can wave goodbye.....

dad, I might not be seeing you again here on earth, but I have lots and lots of happy memories and can honestly say I was proud to be your daughter RIP

8 comments:

Susan said...

That's made me cry. I feel so sad for you all, he sounds like he was a very nice man and you were lucky to have him for your Dad.

Chrissie said...

Oh hun I was so very sad for you all when I heard the news. Gina kindly kept us in touch with you.
I am glad you have wonderful memories and you have found words to explain things to Steven.

My thoughts are still with you hun and all your family hugs XxX

dagbird2001 said...

Oh hun, i am sending you big big hugs. I know how you are feeling, and i also know that no words will help.

sendingyou and the family loads of hugs and sparkly vibes.

xxxxx

Anonymous said...

im glad you didnt delete this, you are being incredibly brave.
im sure your dad was very proud of you too.
im so sorry for your loss, and my heart goes out to your mum.
im here if you need me, big hugs for you.
gina xxxxxxxx

DGgirl said...

Maria

How beautifully you've expressed your loss. He sounds like a wonderful man.

Sending hugs to yu and yours and special ones to Steven to help him understand what's going on at this difficult time and where his beloved grandad has gone.

Gillxxx

Crafting to stay sane! said...

Maria you and your family are in my thoughts at this saddest of times.
((Hugs)) Alyson xxxx

Sue C said...

Hi Maria, I am so sorry. I heard about your loss on the docrafts forum and have been thinking about you, even though I dont know you xx

a little bit of me........ said...

dear Maria im so sorry to hear this sad news, im thinking of you and all your family
takecare and hug Steven from me,
jennix